1. I’d like to achieve wisdom. The kind where I can read what this mat Salleh write, and I don’t go into automatic naivete mode thinking how great their research has been, but that it is merely a teaser to their greatest strength, which is to market and influence others to believe in their superiority. The internet does not help to overcome this inferiority complex.
2. So what should happen is that the automatic reflex is to chunk up the information up to understanding people’s motivations, which are by and large driven by materialistic and capitalistic tendencies.
3. Big question is, am I already afflicted? Take today’s call from a potential DF buyer. It was quite clear that I wanted the deal to be purely on price, but did I need to be unnecessarily harsh? Even with the agent? Where is my akhlak? It is in moments like this that I despair of what I have become after almost four years here. Nevertheless this is what I need to overcome. Ensure the automatic response is the ones not meant to impress the capitalists, but one where I can use the brief transactional exchange to further the image of Islam, to please Allah.
4. It then becomes quite clear that I’d need to fill up my spiritual self with love of the Word of Allah, as that IS wisdom. How far apart have I gone? I need to come back. As it is, this already a poor influence on others in my family.
5. Then it comes back to this Decision. The risks. The potential opportunities. All driven with sustaining the current lifestyle – but the real non-variable should be that family development will go by the rails / guidance that has been shown in light of this Wisdom. Hubbud-dunya wakara hiyatul mawut. Again, such a sensitive decision and how I need to deal with this with akhlak.
6. Then the question is how do I deal with the naysayers, even those close to me? Challenge is to derisk all possible initiatives carefully, and to take care that it’s not about not taking risks, but to take carefully evaluated risks.
7. But the other point is on courage and determination. And this comes from my relationship with Allah. The tawakkal part. While at the same time ensuring that I commit fully to the project. There is no shortcut. There is no exit. And realizing that the relationship with Allah is not because I have something that I want or need, but it is because He is the Almighty Creator that I bow down to.
8. And then again realizing how far away I’ve dropped off to. And how far is the distance that I need to close, but only then comforted by the fact that if I walk towards Allah, Allah will run towards me. I have had my share of the darkness. This is but one of those episodes. Do I then throw my hands up in the air or do I try to find a light?
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