sombre mood - mid-life crisis

On some days, when the mood really gets you down, there isn’t much that we can do. Today is such a day.

I’ll need to clarify my thinking on a number of issues.

JDC and position

1. Increased responsibility with this position in JDC. The objective must be clear from the onset – what do I hope to achieve. One, of course, is mardhatillah through subscribing myself as a haraki worker. Secondly, this is also a position where my role is best identified through negotiating the best position to do it in, and how to bring out the better facets of what I can contribute towards. In that respect, assertiveness is a virtue. Thirdly, scrap this personal developmental agenda, cos at this stage the output required far outstrips the need for development, although I am at no point in tome demeaning its potential benefits. It’s just that, in this mindset of achieving the best, tarbiyyah is to be achieved through the means available, so hence, academically should be through university courses or such like, physical through setting up networks, mental and spiritual through personal struggle against my own vices. Although, be on the lookout for role modeling and social support systems.

Pathing away – time for pause and reflection

2. motivation to continue work in this swf environment is fading away. If I don’t obtain an offer from B or cant finalise my exit options soon, I’ll be found out, or worse, I’ll find myself unable to handle the stresses with the gaping conflicts I’ll need to resolve within myself. Partly, I’d also need to overcome risks – particularly relating to financial support should this fail to work itself out. DBA is a nice getout clause though, one in that it provides a nice excuse to be out of the system, but the issue remains – what do I intend to do later? First things first is to face the cold hard truth, the dirty, naked facts of what is required to find the bloody hedgehog. This is a time for wisdom, not some ill-judged rash decision I’vebeen guilty on a number of occasions already.

Raya prep

3. This and other stuff that I’d need to do. Get your butt of the bloody chair and start doing some real work!

Insights

4. And then there is this insight, that not only is this CV masking deficiencies, it is a puton with its fancy titles and awards - but what counts most is what you do with it, what impact do you have upon society, etc! personal motivation to succeed is paramount, regardless of which perspective you take - the difference being as a muslim, the personal motivation is framed upon our religious beliefs.