Personal Charter

Just thot I'd need to post this in a public space:

PERSONAL CHARTER

April 5, 2011

Realising that secular objectives, no matter how interim, is both misplaced and destructive, that I shall strive insyaAllah and with Allah’s guidance, to fulfill my fullest potential, and also to bear responsibility of realising the potential of those under my care, which includes my wife and children, and be the most positive influence I can be to others that I come into contact with, to benefit the purpose that Allah has given to His creation.

September 18, 2009; 28 Ramadhan 1430H

For the next 5 years, my financial planning mission shall be:

• Benefactor to others

Work only for a worthy cause 

Secure dependents

1 Jan 2007 (with minor edits)

• I will ensure my life and my family will live a life of integrity according to values approved by Islam and social order;

I will be determined in ensuring we reach that goal while at the same time ensuring my parents are safeguarded;

including my wife and children; and our relations

• I will have determination that I build up through persistence and tenacity;

I will pursue those goals with bravery and courage, and not be stopped by fear

• I will pray that Allah protects my objective and makes it easy

I will also have understanding and tolerance for other people's viewpoints, perspectives, problems, concerns, and make it my own

• I will use my rational thought coupled with hope and prayer to its fullest ability and find the opportunities that life brings for the betterment of this life

Dogmatism of Islamic Finance: Middle-East standards vs Malaysian-standards

This Vellfire business is made unnecessarily complicated by lack of an initial uninformed choice. Choice was of financing from Rajhi waving the Middle-Eastern corner against Maybank Islamic waving the Malaysian standards. Below are my findings:

1. Standards
Rajhi uses BBA - ie Bank purchases car and sells to customer at upside with staggered financing payments. Pure sale-purchase agreement and opts out of the hire-purchase conditions. The SPA absorbs any of the conditions within the HP Act that does not contravene the Syariah to protect the bank.

Maybank uses the typical Malaysian standard that tacks on Syariah-compliant contracts to existing transaction.

This is where philosophies differ. Whilst Rajhi's standards are stricter and more compliant given the fundamental structure of the transaction, are we to say that the contracts entered with Malaysian islamic banks are not? If so, where? Is it in the intention of the banks as a hillah? If so, who decides on this? Is this allowed on the basis of daruriyyah, which incidentally is difficult to ascertain, just as it is difficult to ascertain hillah on the part of the bank.

I would suggest that the daruriyyah is in the form of having a stronger Islamic bank presence against the conventional bank presence, and to argue one is better than the other is futile and only encourages meaningless cannibalisation of the same niche customer market. In this situation, the preference is with the Middle East standards only if other criteria are evenly matched. To use an inappropriate word in this case, I would suggest that the customer is agnostic in terms of standards as long as there is Syariah compliant acknowledgment by an established and reputable Islamic finance regulator.

2. Customer orientation and protection
The BBA allows banks to set a security deposit if required. I'm not sure of the equivalent in the AITAB but I dont recall of any such conditions. The other departure will be the purchase price with the dealer, where the Bank will pay full amount regardless of booking fee, in which case customer will have to bear ther burden of recovering the booking fee from the dealer later. To note that even in the BBA, a JPJ K3 form allowing repossession is similarly required.

These departures need to be communicated to the customer as well as the dealer upfront, as in this case, I'd need to bear the risk of non-retrieval of the booking fee, especially so when there are certain conditions that I have agreed with Jack how the final product will look like, ie pro-bono accessories of LCD, colour change, and what have yous have been agreed beforehand.

At the same time the rates are 2.48% pa, much higher than what I had asked for at 2.45%. And without ascertaining with me, the loan tenure was set at 9 years when I was actually considering 6 years. Maybank didnt flinch when I asked 2.40% and eventually agreed on 2.42%.


3. Services
This is the weakest area of the lot. After 2 weeks of haggling, I've yet to cross the finish line. With clearer expectations, I would be able to understand these changes but perhaps not at this stage. With 4 people running around and motivation flagging when Saudi dignitaries are expected to visit and all, I need to pull the trigger.

My promise though was this - I'll be back to consider them when the time comes later.

Miscellaneous reflections

1. Too many things unsettled - feeling of drifting, losing control, losing perspective etc - after the many "structural" changes in the past few weeks. Key concern is that because of these circumstances, more decisions could be made taht further aggravates these outcomes.
2. Major changes in the past 2 months include: Sarah's employment coming to a close, Mak going for umrah trip with Zana and Amran, Ummi's Turkmen trip and "slipped" C3-C4 disc , moving house, taking a more proactive role in managing the kids, etc. I have yet to be able to reflect on the ominous changes these entail.
3. The key thing to manage now is make sure any other decisions affecting structural changes must be made with care and caution. The key thing is that the end vision must be very clear in the mind.

Calibrating My Personal Charter

PERSONAL CHARTER



April 5, 2011

Realising that secular objectives, no matter how interim, is both misplaced and destructive, that I shall strive insyaAllah and with Allah’s guidance, to fulfill my fullest potential, and also to bear responsibility of realising the potential of those under my care, which includes my wife and children, and be the most positive influence I can be to others that I come into contact with, to benefit the purpose that Allah has given to His creation.


September 18, 2009; 28 Ramadhan 1430H

For the next 5 years, my financial planning mission shall be:

• Benefactor to others
• Work only for a worthy cause
• Secure dependents

1 Jan 2007


I will ensure my life and my family will live a life of integrity according to values approved by Islam and social order

I will be determined in ensuring we reach that goal while at the same time ensuring my parents are safeguarded;
including my wife and children; and our relations



I will have determination that I build up through persistence and tenacity;

I will pursue those goals with bravery and courage, and not be stopped by fear


I will pray that Allah protects my objective and makes it easy

I will also have understanding and tolerance for other people's viewpoints, perspectives, problems, concerns, and make it my own

I will use my rational thought coupled with hope and prayer to its fullest ability and find the opportunities that life brings for the betterment of this life

Return to the origins

1. Bahasa has this nice proverb saying "kembali ke pangkal jalan" to signify life's typical journey of returning to fundamentals whenever we veer away from where we intend to go.
2. I've always had this feeling of chasing after money, no matter how interim, that objective becomes a domineering overwhelming instinct that eats up all our efforts, time and resources. No matter how noble the intent can be, ie looking after my family's interests and financial demands, it then becomes the mechanism where the original direction will be lost. There will be no balance, no proportion, and looking for proportion no matter how clearly it resides outside of the workplace now, it would be imbalanced when we lose the sense that Allah is the overriding, primary aim of life.
3. It has taken Sarah's leaving to ignite that need, now becoming a temporary single parent would naturally increase that reliance on Allah which I had quite conveniently left it by the wayside. It is time to return.
4. Just to add to the sense of unrealness, RTC has now initiated a video screening of proof that Anwar cannot control his Thamby. Talk of the inadequacy of someone raising libel on others. I cant visualise any other person with this kind of background displaying such a disregard of personal embarassment and shame, inability to find remorse and accountability, and no feeling of political responsibility to chase a personal vendetta. Society needs clean, clear-thinking, above this dirty politics that UMNO has become so synonymous with. I do feel a personal calling in this regard, and the call of money seems to be the only obstacle holding me back.
5. Elsewhere, Fukushima will result in a much increased cost of nuclear generation, and it remains to be seen if coupled with variability of oil price whether this could really push the envelope for RE generation, no matter how un prepared it is to become mainstream currently and the demands of subsidies to get it up. Certainly a business opportunity.
6. Wifey is overseas for the next 2 weeks - I'm bearing the brunt of the work at office and home in that period. I'll have to decide if this is worthwhile as a full-fledged career. Nevertheless, the demands of a PIBG Secretary, a business matching organiser, a scientific advisory technopreneur and a trainer could certainly be a productive alternative. 

Reflections & calibration: Naeem, Hira', Al-Juneid and ARMA

Naeem on Tahfiz

1.       Naeem’s first steps on his journey to be hafiz / (huffaz?) of the quran yesterday is something I’d need deep reflection on. The steps I did not take, the opportunity costs of not wanting to extend myself, of averting from additional pressure probably cost me aspects of personality that could have been changed. Is this regret? No, Alhamdulillah, things have turned out as it were, though there are aspects where in a parallel universe I would have found more ease in. I suppose the weakness in this thinking is the fatalism that I’ve subjected myself to that this is the best that I could be – the main point is, were there things that could have been improved? The answer then is of course, just as things could be improved now. But, if we are intent on taking the best opportunities, increasing the preparedness in our lives we need to be ready for these openings.

2.       Naeem going to tahfiz provides a stronger spiritual dimension in his life. It is also preparation for an academic study into spirituality-deeniyah and dunya. It also follows that his parents need to improve as parents of a hafiz. The objectives here are for a pathway into deeniyah studies and a suitable dunya education following the strength and character building part of his self. These would be the main things to watch out for in Hira’.

3.       Therefore watch out and strengthen the little things, as well as the large things which have been in error or in omission. And to Him we beg for forgiveness and ask for an expiation from sins, and the fortitude to stay on His path.

 

Tahfiz model

4.       On the other hand, the tahfiz model as per Al-Junied is as below:

Islamic Studies: Quranic Studies : Hifz / Tilawah with tajwid, At-Tafsir, Ulum Al-Quran,  Al-Akhlak, At-Tauhid, Al-Mantiq

Al-Fiqh :  Usul Al-Fiqh, Al-Qawaid Al-Fiqhiyah, Al-Hadith / Mustalah Al-Hadith, Al-Faraidh

Arabic Studies: Al-Insya’, An-Nahwu,  As-Sarf, Al-Adab Al-Arabi, Al-Balaghah, At-Tarikh Al-Islamic

Academic Education The curriculum for the academic adheres to the syllabus prescribed by the Ministry of Education, Singapore. PSLE at Primary 6 and ‘O’ Level at Sec 4 where the students qualify for Polytechnics / JC in Singapore.

Co-Curricular Activities:   Islamic Calligraphy, Recitation of the Holy Quran (Taranum), Sports, Domestic Science, Nasyid ( An Islamic choir), Astronomy

Community Involvement Programme: Students are directly involved in all special projects and fund raising activities conducted by madrasah or Muslim organizations, Students assisted financially by the welfare department will have to serve 30 hours of CIP

 

5.       I am absolutely convinced that just as Hira’ and Al-Amin chain of schools under Musleh is superior to the government model, and that includes the new Ulul-Albab model being rolled out under Yayasan Terengganu, MRSM and JAIS – which I believe is still experimental and may lack the necessary academic staff aptitude and support (and this I need to ascertain) – I believe given time, the madrasah system in Singapore will be the model to emulate. Talk of meritocracy being a superior model to the ‘assisted support program for underperforming majority’. The Singapore model is quietly transforming themselves from quite good to excellent, shepherded by very capable people and supported by the government. I repeat, the Government of Singapore! Contrast this with unhelpful rhetorics of Al-Amin being a breeding ground of Wahhabis and such.

6.       Ya Allah, grant me the strength to make a contribution to the way things are proceeding here in Malaysia, so that it could be for the betterment of the ummah.

 

BR Consult

7.       Interesting opp. I’d need to put on a very different thinking model here. One, how can I support the business growth objectives so that this ould become a self-sustainable opportunity for me, family and transform the way things are currently. The kiasu-ness needs to kick-in. I should not allow this to work towards a standard op, but study what successful consulting firms are doing. This is a business development problem.

 

 

 

 

ESQ Parenting 101010

ESQ Parenting 1010

 

ESQ is now 10 yrs, and seeks to be neutral. 420 staff, pretty impressive growth.

 

Delivery done in multimedia, rah-rah interspersed with introspection, very different to traditional Islamic madrasahs. In a way, it's a very much underdeveloped way of education transmission, although there is a hadith that the Prophet asked that the transmission be done bil-hikmah. Emotional "manipulation" is perfectly done. While motivations and learnings are good and maximises introspection, content and the after-effects of increased personal awareness would be better if related to tazkiyyah, tarbiyyah and jamaah. Later, the question of how-to and "after-care" support will be raised and takes up a different question. I can probably surmise it as it should not be seen as a religious education, although it speaks the same language, and most importantly, should be how Islam is conveyed in this day and age.

 

Everything is carefully stage-managed. Very professional, and I would say it's world-standard. Symbolisms, imagery, sounds, music, voice intonations - all served to deliver. Some messianic imageries is a bit concerning, but I guess it's part of marketing. To be nit-picking, it's not all about Ary's parents, everyone in the hall has parents. Otherwise, training brief and learnings served to emphasise the points extremely well.

 

Several controversies that were raised before were I think dealt with, except for one or two things. God-spot is now replaced with fitrah, to mean suara hati. Manacles referring to nafsu(?). Hati dilingkungi oleh 6 rukun iman, dan 5 rukun Islam. But later there was also a reference to a God-spot in oursleves while pointing to the head, so is that a yes or no? Anyway, there are better ways to convey this content surely, and adaptation of business management concepts and precepts should be done but the overarching framework of our understanding of Tauhid should be firm and unwavering, but also with an updated delivery style. The understanding of Tauhid and Zaat of Allah goes through the Ahlus Sunnah wal Jamaah's way of tauhid uluhiyyah, rububiyyah and asma' was sifaat should be retained, and within that context the elements of Maqasid Syariah and all should be used as a mission building capacity using these modern business approaches.

 

In essence, the process part is the delivery, the content should be the Syariah-advisor responsibility.

 

Content is where the training is excellent, and succeeds in moving my own personal paradigms, views and outlook towards creating a tamadun, a multi-generational commitment to khilafatu fil-ardh, and especially of the parenting mission: pengabdian penuh kpd Allah 51:56, fulfilling of covenants  7:172, fulfilling role as khalifah 2:30, preparing for life's realities, accountability 75:36, Reminder of Vision is excellent. Must enhance vision! Middle / average is not good enough, and I do need to update, enhance and expand these previous do'as of mine - "+Naeem's rounded personality devt,+Husna's quiet leadership, +Hadi's excellent leadership, +Hafiz's human touch and love"

 

Crowd –I think there is this admiration bordering on awe, but I must stress this is the delivery portion. The cause, content and veneration should be limited to that which comes from the Almighty, as contained in the Book and the Sunnah of the Prophet. I think Pak Ary made this point clear on many occasions throughout the 1 day, and I don’t see this as misguided veneration of pak Ary or ESQ or even the “rituals”. I’ll try my damnedest to keep my comments fair lest I mistakenly damage someone’s reputation. Others should partake in guiding and providing the “after-care” services rather than criticizing from their high-chairs.

 

 

 

Assorted Reflections...

First stab at midnight updates, which should be the norm for the day's reflections, insights, takeaways and learnings.

Plenty of areas of concern, and lots to chew for food for thought.

1. Ust Halim's organisational reputation is under attack

While I could not pick up the blame for the postponement, but the selection was mine. And for that I'd need him to demonstrate the reasons for following him. The umrah needs to deliver a changed and reinforced Islamic akhlak and attitude, a changed perspective on courage and fearless stand on rightfulness and truth, and a rectified and fortified soul at peace with itself. All these are the essence of a good tarbiyyah, tazkiyyah, ibadah and tazkirah. TYhe rest are details.

The organisational challenge though needs help. And that's where I, we incl Azman needs to come in where required. We'd need to subtly pressure his team to deliver basic requirements.

2. My, our own, organisational capabilities should be top-notch

And, again, with Mak Ayah in tow, my wife, talkative, bubbly and active kids who wants to go the Blessed Land, I'd need to be on top of things. I'm guessing a daily check of next day's itinerary is the bare minimum.

3. Leadership is exercised continually

I believe trigger event strategic planning, BCG terms it as 100-day plan, driven by shareholders is no magic bullet.

Leadership is exercised when faced with everyday situations, when asked or not asked for responses by your talkative teenager, when faced with demands from an angry mother, when a screaming infant wants a pick-me-up, when 15 office colleagues is planning to insitute a class action boycott of superior, when an NGO asks for support against deportation of innocently held prisoners, when funds need to be raised for worthwhile causes in Gaza, private Muslim schools... and so on.

The only recourse is your heart, your value system, and your constant reminder of the greatness of Allah for giving the Quran and the beautiful Sunnah of the Rasul for guidance.

 The thing is, how much of that is being studied and truly being put forth.Again, there can be no question that the context of this umrah trip - a pilgrimage - is for the rejoinder of where priorities lie, not in the daily grind of finding more money for an endless pit of insatiable nafs, but more

4. NNet is an excellent platform for tazkirah

Brilliant in engaging and allowing for opportunities to contribute to dakwah, to remind of where I've deviated and strayed off-course, as a model for articulate, intelligent discourse and for beautiful display of ukhuwwah. although I do get the feeling of 'syok sendiri syndrome' at times...  :-)

5. Kids are growing up, and are looking for role models

I guess the theme tonight is delivering as the head of family.

Losing my way, and trying to find my way back

Just finished reading Dreams From My Father by a certain Mr Barack Obama. The story began with his Origins, detailing out his families’ genealogy and life and what caused him to begin questioning the role of his race in the world. In part 2, upon his graduation, with a confused state of mind to his racial identity and belonging and his worth to the world, he left a well-paying job to become a social activist in Chicago. He found his true purpose helping the downtrodden and needy, yet the questions he had from childhood never really answered. He found his answer in the 3^rd part, in Kenya, with something I felt was an overtly exaggerated dramatization of his epiphany about his true calling.

Regardless of whether some parts were fictionalized or not, it was a wonderful narrative, and the context and the framework for the questions playing out in his mind anout his identity very frankly admitting the fragile self-esteem of those used to be at the behest of those used to become conquerors. Today’s Guardian had a nice review on Avatar which pointed out the metaphorical nature of the movie to the violent genocide done by the European conquerors of America. There are many parallels also to Malaysia’s situation – a fragile “ruling” majority living in worry of being superseded by other more agile, dynamic races here in Malaysia.

On a personal level, I find it imperative I find my peace and overcome the bitterness and enmity which characterized Obama’s life. The calling to the cause took place after that was settled – to find our way, to find the right thing to do, the right level to act, the right interactions to cultivate….

This to be continued.

Travelogue- Singapore trip

Our sojourn down South had a convenient excuse for its ‘unplanned’ nature due to Naeem being hospitalised on Sunday and being discharged the next day for what seems to be fever caused by mysterious unknown elements. His muallim made a comment about the ‘keras’ nature of Ulu Yam, site for Naeem’s camping adventure a few days before, and though I’d have my doubts on this, I cannot argue on the features of what seems to be a strange fever rising up to 40C before receding just as strangely. Anyway, it was this excuse that we unashamedly plonked to Nik and Hamidah for gatecrashing Simei that rainy Tuesday evening, despite almost 2 months of missed opportunity to lockin hotel accommodation.

Tuesday night saw us have dinner at Tangs in Bedok, a short 10 min drive away from Block 102 Simei, which is a nice Chinese restaurant certified halal by MUIS. Nik seemed to enjoy his dinner, and we spent that night catching up since when we last met. The kids were pretty well behaved and warmed up to Nik and Hamidah very quickly. After dinner, Nik turned babysitter for the non-babies who were already exhausted, whilst Hamidah turned tourguide to bring us- the adults- to Mustafa. It was a fascinating place, a gargantuan mamak retail shop the size of a whole block (or 2 or 3) of 4 storey shophouses along Little India selling everything that you can think of under the sun at cheap cheap streetware prices. (well, relative to the bloated Singaporean retail shops anyway) I was unimpressed by their toilets though, which seemed to reinforce the stereotypes of old despite Singapore’s best efforts to maintain its hygienic standards. After securing 6 1kg basmati rice packs, we got home after midnight via the AYE interconnection, a scenic “coastal” (inverted commas as the boundaries are redrawn all the time as Singapore continues its expanding reclamation works in its quest for more landmass) road, and Hamidah pointing out the old redlight areas and pointing out that Batam is the place old men get their kicks and have some boogieing fun away from the straitjacketed Singapore culture.

Next day was a further demonstration of our indecisiveness in travel planning. We set out about 10 to Singapore Zoo, again our generous hosts deciding to show the way and patiently waited until we secured tickets and were ready to move in. We had Sentosa in our mind later in the afternoon and thought we could meet up later, but after 5 hours in the Zoo, and after seeing the animals and viewing the shows, I thought that it was just a larger and perhaps a more organised version, though not by much of the A Famosa resort. We were hungry by then, and decided against having lunch at the fast food joints (they had Ben and Jerry) in the Zoo and wanted to try out the famed food of Arab Street. Through the GPS, at last we managed to locate Arab Street after some difficulty and had high tea of nasi campur just as the azan for Asar was proclaimed from the nearby Masjid Sultan. Hafiz was beginning to get accustomed to Singapore by now, after sleeping in the Zoo’s explorer trolley for almost 3 hours, and was getting acquainted with pavement stuff. As a show of the Singaporean culture, as I was leaving, a number of the restaurant visitors called me to point out that I had left my bag containing the cameras and passports under the chair – kudos to Singaporean powers of observation and kindness. We had Asar in the Masjid after a visit to an Islamic bookshop – which had a lot of Sufi-style books, but had interesting musical CDs. We went to Golden Landmark Hotel to ask for accommodation and as expected they were full apart from a suite, which we can sagfely conclude will be inferior to Nik and Hamidah’s anyway! Dian managed to find time to go shopping for clothes, and I must agree that the quality of textiles there were pretty good and attractively priced, though that is without being able to compare to the Jakels of Jalan TAR. Lesson learnt - information asymmetry is fine when you’ve got dosh to spend on things that you like.

By now, we had already communicated with our (hopefully not reluctant) hosts that the Sentosa plans were off and we were making up our plans as we go along – and we drove to the Esplanade via the commercial side of Singapore. These guys are impressive town builders. The level of urban planning detail and the execution to achieve their stated objectives were impressive. There’s a lesson there somewhere for DBKL in urban city management. This part is built for people, those who work here, those who play here, those who LIVE here. Walking, or cycling, or just hanging out- they have thought of it and everything’s a cinch. Try walking in KL, and I have as per a previous entry, and the feeling of suffocation abounds. We here are really in need of a regeneration, whilst those folks down south, their challenge is to fill their impressive structures with “life”, outside of their utterly dominating presence of capitalism.

I digress. We spent about 2 hours in Esplanade not really doing anything other than walking around aimlessly. Hafiz has now fully recharged his batteries and we spent most of the 2 hours trying to get him to follow our general direction, and not wherever his feet take him. After one month of learning how to walk, his new-found skill is being used most enthusiastically, resulting in fatigue for his minders. We had dinner in Geylang, again after I announced that I have had enough of eating places at convention centres given my working premises is next to one here in KL. Little did I know there are interesting night-life activities in Geylang, and it didn’t seem that way when we were there. The verdict on the food? Well, Malaysia is still a foodie’s heaven! The GPS gave up on us that night but we made it safely to Simei about 11pm and Nik already in dreamland.

Next morning, we had a good chat over breakfast on the differences I observed between our countries, so close in proximity but so far in outlook. We talked about regulatory enforcement and fines being such a major part of life in Singapore, and lo and behold, as I went down to check on my car there’s this white slip sticking out under the wiper of the Odyssey. Let’s omit discussions on what was done next from this blog however. We made our way to Sentosa that morning, again our most beneficient hosts showed us the way up to the Bridge leading to the small isle. There were a few places we went to – Imbiah lookout, we saw the luge, the cable car, the nature observation centre, the history gallery (didn’t go in though), but the highlight for the kids were the 4D Pirates show, and the virtual reality Log ride. We had snacks at Coffeebean (I think!?), then made a short tour of the islet before heading back to the main island. (it’s just wrong to call it the mainland!) Again GPS-free, but we made it to Jurong Science Centre around 5pm after I made a spontaneous detour to Biopolis and Fusionopolis via the NUS exit. From what I can see, the facilties are fully utilized, though I could be wrong, again, an abject lesson for our policymakers who designed Cyberjaya, and maybe Biovalley, the object of a recent misguided and wrong Economist article. SILC and BioXCell are recent developments, so I will save the abuse for now.

The Science Centre had a Plastination exhibition, which closed as we walked in, being as it were already New Year’s Eve. So that counted as a missed opportunity for me, to be counted together with Songs of the Sea for Ummi. We made our way to the IMAX theatre instead, which had this absolutely ginormous circular 3D screen and a full auditorium of people – Singaporeans must really be into science! Hafiz’s eyes were so wide as he looked at the 3D projected images life of sea creatures, it must be so real to him. At the close, we again made our way to Arab Street, this time to try out the murtabak. The City Centre was surprisingly relatively quiet and we found our parking quite easily, again illegal, but I’m beyond caring at this juncture. Nik called to say he had an appointment with his friend, so it was up to us to amend our impulsive “itinerary” and it was back to Mustafa for last-minute shopping. We were back in Simei and chatted to close to 2am.

It was then Friday, and it was time to pack up. After breakfast at a food court, we bade our goodbyes. Nik and Hamidah were the perfect hosts, we were the unashamed guests barging in onto people’s homes but again we’d pray for their well-being and hopes to be met. It was a quick trip, rather packed in its spur of the moment itinerary, but hopefully provided for memories to cherish and thoughts to ponder on the fates and destiny for these two neighbours, both intent to go their separate ways, and still maintain a semblance of cordiality.

Pian Sukro, JDC, School, Pajam and Family

I’m trying my darndest to fill my head with execution-minded stuff now, not the variety with guns or rolling heads, but of the action-oriented, operational variety. At the same time I also try to justify these actions, so it’s a case of filling the gap between stimulus input and feedback, and where there is a more intimate, rolling-the-options-in-the-head justifications to the action. (although, from past records, a lot more, will end up as inaction)

1.       Pian Sukro

I read the report of his very much untimely and premature death this morning with sadness, but Allah knows best. I have the fullest respect for him as a CEO and a leader. Even then I know I may have maligned or disparaged him with my rather indisciplined tongue when discussing TNB or the energy industry with colleagues or fellow discussants, deep down it is nothing but respect.

He had the foresight to execute capex-heavy investments like SAP, the BCG-advised T7 program – the TNB transformation strategy and from which Che Khalib benefitted greatly from and many others. These were the sort of stuff that was needed to be done to drag TNB out of the morass, not merely some financial paper shifting thing. (although Izzaddin did superbly – the best CFO TNB has ever had by a long mile!)

By the by, this is Malaysia, the land of compromises, half-actions, negotiated truths, half-half measures, and there could be a lot more things he could have done were he not constrained by the political and business masters that we all somehow consented to have power over us. All things considered – he did great.

May Allah rest his soul and consider his actions as amal maaruf, and grant him the company of the solehun and mukminun. Al-fatihah to Allahyarham Pian Sukro.

Note – and hopefully the Energy Commission can find someone just as capable (or even better, though unlikely) to replace him,

2.       JDC

Attended my first JDC meeting on Friday night. My first thoughts – strong cliques among the committee arising from the closeness in age and “batch” – and hopefully not too strong a groupthink, there are shades of SPU about the discussion there. IMO we should be thinking strongly of strategic moves to enhance our presence in Cheras, the impressive developments in Balakong and the surrounding Cheras Selatan are good developments we should ride on. Societal changes etc are also opportunities to be considered, and we should refrain from taking the easy way out of doing things. Ie more of Penang and Azlishah’s PJ than the current mindset. Not taking anything away from them, it was my first 2 hours with this group, and I should keep an open mind and share, contribute as necessary. My groupmates were (by seating arrangement) Najib, Zul, Faisal, Ust Zul, Nazeli, Susilawati, Rosliya, Zaini, Amirul. Personal preparation and planning should help – ie towards contributing to the most optimal portfolio.

3.       School and Little Azhar

How strategic are education-related initiatives towards societal change? VERY! Preschool education should very much be allowed to proliferate towards their desired niches to target towards the relevant societal preferences, as long as it retains its fundamental Islamic outlook. (for those who take issue with Fundamentalist Islam, start researching this subject and don’t be swayed by the Internet and Wikipedia too much – start asking the right people) Daerah should have a say in the running of these preschools – preferably post of TPSM should be automatically a Board member of Education institutions to anchor the debates and discussions in realistic societal-centric strategies. And from there, demand for Islamic oriented schools can be cultivated and nurtured and thence a stronger Islamic educational institutional can be anchored to rival the Kuen Chengs of the world. Then, all this nonsense espoused by the goblog Oi Jeff can be effectively challenged.

4.       Pajam

How can it be to develop agriculture in Pajam be the best option 3 weeks ago and suddenly turn into lets sell this to this Datuk at any cost? Unsurprising that the outcome is like this when nobody is coming forward to support Mak and she’s the one wracking her brains to solve her problem of asset management, and she also sees this as doing a favour for her children who she sees as incapable of handling their problems. Admittedly, I am the one who should be doing this, but past experiences are just holding me back. I’m not keen to help my sisters by helping Mak, and she’s not likely to favour me by bypassing my sisters. So the cycle continues.

IMO it’s still a long call to sell – it takes someone either not business-savvy or a bit mad to purchase Pajam at the inflated prices being pushed by the owners (Mak and Zadi being the ones rational on the pricing, leaving the other as the irrational one) – and feasibly Datuk could be one of those. Couple that with his interest to develop this “friendship” and this could be a good call to solve Mak’s perennial problem. Otherwise, I should still keep the option for developing in the backburner.

5.       Family

And here lies the rub. To do all that I’ve said should be done above needs me to exercise my independent outlook on life and I feel my options before have restrained rather than unleashed my options. Although OTOH when I’m left to make my own calls, I’ve been railroaded into making all the wrong decisions anyway.

But, hard choices, decisions, and finally action! Need to put my easel frame into action now!

sombre mood - mid-life crisis

On some days, when the mood really gets you down, there isn’t much that we can do. Today is such a day.

I’ll need to clarify my thinking on a number of issues.

JDC and position

1. Increased responsibility with this position in JDC. The objective must be clear from the onset – what do I hope to achieve. One, of course, is mardhatillah through subscribing myself as a haraki worker. Secondly, this is also a position where my role is best identified through negotiating the best position to do it in, and how to bring out the better facets of what I can contribute towards. In that respect, assertiveness is a virtue. Thirdly, scrap this personal developmental agenda, cos at this stage the output required far outstrips the need for development, although I am at no point in tome demeaning its potential benefits. It’s just that, in this mindset of achieving the best, tarbiyyah is to be achieved through the means available, so hence, academically should be through university courses or such like, physical through setting up networks, mental and spiritual through personal struggle against my own vices. Although, be on the lookout for role modeling and social support systems.

Pathing away – time for pause and reflection

2. motivation to continue work in this swf environment is fading away. If I don’t obtain an offer from B or cant finalise my exit options soon, I’ll be found out, or worse, I’ll find myself unable to handle the stresses with the gaping conflicts I’ll need to resolve within myself. Partly, I’d also need to overcome risks – particularly relating to financial support should this fail to work itself out. DBA is a nice getout clause though, one in that it provides a nice excuse to be out of the system, but the issue remains – what do I intend to do later? First things first is to face the cold hard truth, the dirty, naked facts of what is required to find the bloody hedgehog. This is a time for wisdom, not some ill-judged rash decision I’vebeen guilty on a number of occasions already.

Raya prep

3. This and other stuff that I’d need to do. Get your butt of the bloody chair and start doing some real work!

Insights

4. And then there is this insight, that not only is this CV masking deficiencies, it is a puton with its fancy titles and awards - but what counts most is what you do with it, what impact do you have upon society, etc! personal motivation to succeed is paramount, regardless of which perspective you take - the difference being as a muslim, the personal motivation is framed upon our religious beliefs.

self-reflection

There are occasions, like now, where I feel like I’m drifting, unsure of life’s priorities, unsure of where I’m heading. It includes a sense of guilt at expectations unmet, aspirations unachieved and hopes dashed. It includes the feeling of unresolved personal relationships, including of those close to me within my own family, of my mum, my wife and childred, my sisters, and my late father, those then closer, my in-laws, those through my own marriage or through my siblings, and others related to me. Those among my friends who I fail to endear myself to, whether they be in good health, or not as in Aman Firdaus’ case, and whether I have responded justly to those that I know, or those I have yet to know.

 

All this seems to point to me leaving behind an agenda, frequently dubbed in sort of secret code, “Sebuah Agenda Perjuangan”. It’s a simple concept, and it consists of several life creed that we live with and die for. Not having this means a life tortured by meaningless meanderings, of uncertainties. For a while, early in my twenties, I grasped the concept. Then I let it go when I could not find the balance between what is right and what is necessarily pragmatic. And thence starts the cycle that I need to break free from.

 

Living for something means I am able to overcome hardship in the form of mental fortitude when people start throwing dirt and shit at you for what you hold dear. It comes in the shape of rising above the stupid and the crass, the bitchy and the intolerant, and preaching the language of peace while maintaining the direction of truth and good. It is easy to speak in these terms, but without a built-in intrinsic moral compass to dissect what is right or wrong, we may forever end up going in cycles.

 

Interpersonal skills are indispensable. Being respectful, maintaining good relations, being courteous, curious and without a trace of an arrogant air, while being assertive should be an everyday habitual occurrence. Being respectful of others should not mean replacing respect for my own self. Stand my ground on things which I feel is right, stop asking for directions at every intersection, but start pointing out directions.

 

Observations, too...

Over the last three decades, we can observe that the engineering profession is quickly losing, or has lost, its lustre. When I was in my primaryschool days, I could feel the respect when my mother speaks about our backdoor neighbour who was an engineer with UDA, never mind the fact my schoolteacher parents could afford to have the exact same house as he did. (of which, I am proud of, Mak..;-) ) It was probably imprinted in my subconscious, that about 7 years after, subsequent to getting my SPM results, at our family meeting discussing my study and career options, despite my sense that my parents were hoping for the “doctor” answer, I suggested engineering with the excuse I am not much good at cutting up cadavers. If they were disappointed, they didn’t show it, and even went out of their way helping me get my TNB scholarship by meeting with Dr Salim Sairan (arwah now), Dato’ Rashid (unknowingly the father of my colleague here in SWF), En. Karim(!?) (curse on my memory lapses) and many others. Thanks again, Mak. (and abah, too, sorry I probably did not voice it out when you were around)

Since then, I have evolved into this super-rational human being, heard that people have said that I seem emotionally void at times, dungu at others, and being in the investment realm doesn’t help remedy that, instead it has probably accelerated the process further. But engineers have other redeeming features. We say it as it is. Although moving up the organizational pyramid and moving to the financial industries have seriously removed that from me. Okay, we are logical, able to spot gaps and issues and arrive to a conclusion quickly. Hmmm.. let’s not go there, as I certainly can not claim that as a personal virtue. Right, we inquire about the truth, and defend it to the hilt. Perhaps, moreso a long, long time ago, but especially not now in this industry where I’m still trying to find my footing.

But, back to my main point, why and where did engineers lose their attraction? The advent of IT was certainly a major factor. IT graduates commanded more pay, had better job offers and the industry shone brightly. In Malaysia, finance and banking industry boomed and grew by leaps and bounds in the last two decades aided by GOM’s drive to accelerate Malaysia’s economic growth. I know plenty of engineers in finance, and elsewhere, financial engineering has even been blamed for the unfolding economic crisis. It also became fashionable to import expertise from outside in developing Malaysia’s iconic buildings, Hijjaz Kasturi was probably the exception of a local who managed to swell his reputation despite the unfair global competition. FTAs and the WTOs will further liberalise these services sector, and the remaining engineering services providers will either become small-scale organizations living on scraps, or partners and sub-contractors of Aussie and New Zealand (!) engineering companies trying to enter our markets. (I mean, British, American, Japanese, Dutch – OK I can understand, but New Zealand? Come on.., Aussie – well OK they are probably good, but I don’t like them to a fault, so there u go)

So, engineers end up not having much in terms of pay. They don’t have that many places to practice their trade, and if they did it will be doing mundane, routine, mind-numbing stuff in GLCs, and hence, they also find their route to the top of the pile jealously guarded by people who are more innovative and has more game-changing arsenal compared to the average Mat Engineer. It is a systemic problem, and the brutal truth is that who ever is left in the profession will bear the brunt of the blame, or the shit-cleaning job, of the landslides, cracks in flyover pillars, foundations, buildings and such like. Others who have the capacity to change lanes should leave their tracks, and seek the arsenal required to change this fate.

As a nation, can we live on being a nation of economists, financiers and Islamic bankers? Sure we can. But at the end of the day, wouldn’t a diversified skill set working within the framework of nation-building, be better for Malaysia?

The human development policy in Malaysia is in such shambles that any demand for salary increase is a political issue, and none is more adept at playing this game than CUEPACS. Schoolteachers have had their increase, private sector can job-hop and get their increase, fishermen, taxi-drivers etc will get what they want as soon as the guy in charge sees a perceived erosion in political support. The ad-hoc, elastoplast, cant see beyond tomorrow approach has been the bane of Malaysia in the last 4 years. A mitigating factor for Pak Lah is that the last 5 years of Mahathir was also not great as he sought to exit with his political reputation intact.

Economically, the low-wage structure has got to be gradually unraveled. We cannot sustain this as the costs are too high. The “brain drain” to moneybags Middle East and ravenous China is turning into a tidal flow- where it was once only geologists, it now includes engineers, accountants, nurses, doctors and anyone who is able to pad up his CV with important sought-after recruitment keywords and has friends already working over there. The leftovers are unable to make up for it, and already sectors such as manufacturing are crying over firstly, the lack of quantity and then the quality of the local graduates, either struggling to speak coherent English or ability to grasp mundane work instructions. It is a sad indictment of an education policy which encourages, subsidises and allows our people to pursue expensive, overseas education, (the Malays who get their overseas education paid for by government agencies are proportionately most at fault here, and those whose parents, including the non-Malays- can most afford it are the ones which we need to train our guns on the most) could not provide the employment opportunities upon their return, their individual attitude’s towards depending upon government handouts notwithstanding.

Obviously, meritocracy would be the solution. But we have lost the last generation of our people being molly-coddled and pampered to the extent that any drastic removal of privileges and opportunities would create sustained political fractures as racial jealousy and demand for personal, class and racial rights overtake common sense.

It would seem the first step is always to create the right environment and context to move forward, prioritizing firstly, judging equally between man (populace, if you happen to be one of those gender-sensitive people who bite at such trivialities), removal of suspicions of underhanded motives emanating from other countries, respect for the legacy that we have and our 51 year history which has allowed us to move this far, that only then can we begin to take the first tentative steps towards removal of these forces which hold us back.

Assortments - reinforcement and tank filling greatly required

Wednesday, November 26, 2008; 16:19:27

Another assortments piece here – namely for key action steps:
personal and family strategies – for here and hereafter
tech and RE work strategies – developing institutional capacity
CIRED, energy and TNB – sustainable progress
Liverpool – keeping the momentum
making sure I am sustainable

First salvo, personal and family strategies.
the kids take precedence – and by that I mean their development as muslims & mu’min, their education, their akhlak and their disposition should be a primary concern.
Hence, selection of school is crucial. Ensuring the right school meets these objectives must be done right, and also the practical aspects, including finances and potential risks assessed in making this decision. Once, decision made, however, there should be no stones unturned to make sure the objective is achieved.
Central to this is also the issue of wifey getting the time, a critical resource to carry out this role effectively. If that means compromising on financials in the short-term, then adequate contingencies have to be thought through, as well as bracing ourselves mentally and physically to meet the expected troughs.
This additional resource – time- should be used judiciously. One is to realign our interests to what are the key priorities in one’s life – and hence, participation and commitment in jamaah should be reinforced, participation in educational improvements at pre-school, school levels towards policy governance and administration could be enhanced; or even formation of new commercial interests taking into consideration of previous interests – in short, pursuing the hedgehog.
Mak? Well, she seems to accept her destiny of not being able to draw upon her children’s devotion. I blame my sisters for not being able to get-together to do things for mak’s best interests. I’m not too sure how to go about doing this, but definitely this is far from ideal.
Again, I do need to relook at this particular area and find ways for betterment.

Tech, RE and investment work strategies
Not as appealing as the point before, but I owe it to myself to make sure this works given the strategy from above. To that end, initiating indispensability is a key strategy, and that requires both intellectual and attitudinal shifts. Intellectually, justification for every position that I take is a necessity, and attitudinally, a strong and firm disposition is required.
The former, insyaAllah, whilst hard is not as difficult as the latter proposition. Being firm is not something I’ve been used to in a work context, being dripfed on the neo-feudalistic TNB culture. Even LTK, who I should have vociferously engaged antagonistically on numerous occasions, is addressed deferentially and nodded with in agreement. Although, I should think in private conversations, he tends to steer towards my opinions more times than usual, and then uses that opinion to influence his bosses. The result? He gets promoted a few times in 2 years, and me? Well, I can’t complain cos I’ve made my bed outside.
So, I’m reminded of the story of Musa a.s, being given his stick by Allah, and his articulation of its uses as evidence of characteristics of a daie. Also, the voluminous writings of numerous muslim scholars who had created a gigantic knowledge repository covering all possible permutations of life as being a key reason for the spread of the beauty of Islam and knowledge illuminating the Dark Ages of Europe. Never mind that it was later, erroneously, proclaimed that ijtihad is closed, thereafter relegating Islam to a slow, glacial-like deterioration to the sad happenings to muslims today. Yoga-issue doesn’t help – but more than that demonstrates the deficiency of wisdom in addressing today’s issues.
Key issue to follow through at work in portfolio content in addressing technology risk – as well as other possibilities that needs further analysis and considerations.

CIRED, energy and TNB issues
CIRED, utility and energy are the unholy trinity in the country now. Of course, CIRED is just a small association, but I’m using it as a proxy for other disengaged organizations and agencies who should be doing something but probably is not able to do much now for whatever reason.
Something needs to be done, and pushing it forward requires more mental preparation to move it forward at pace.

Liverpool
playing OM tonight. I think Rafa should play Lucas and stick a finger to the dumb fans who booed him after the Fulham game.
Of course, I was disappointed with the game – the performance stank until Alonso’s introduction (see comment abt Sunderland’s game before), result was awful and other big 4 results were no consolation given we would have outright league leadership had we won. But to boo Lucas, and therefore betraying an ego as if as fans they knew better than Rafa, and as if that was the only reason for the poor performance, boy that pissed me off more than the performance and the result.
Primarily, because I face the same set of ego here at work, and elsewhere, (cue: “I’m doing research, I know everything comment” from this colleague), of people who just because they have access to wiki and google knows everything. What they have is just information and data. Without that being tried and tested in real-time, having the big-time experience of putting it into the pounding mill, where wisdom can be churned out, then these type of people needs to re-learn humility. It’s a disappearing commodity.

My last comment is – well, apart form waking up at night to watch Liverpool, I face a serious challenge of developing myself to meet numbers 1-3. It requires getting my head screwed on right, my motivations spot-on, an action-packed orientation, the courage to standup and suffer and not just to follow the easy path all the time, and to develop relationships and networks to help meet aspirations. These are all great deficiencies, arising from the vast gaps of iman and the postponement and procrastination of addressing and filling up this empty tanks so hungry for reinforcements. The longer the wait goes on, the worse it will become, and should death invite me under this condition, then I shall fear very much for my condition in the hereafter. In this condition, hyprocrisy and munafik reigns. I pray I shall find the light.

Making this world a better place is easier to say than to practice.