Leading and managing people - starts with me

1.       Recent events have focused my mind towards stepping forward and taking the responsibility as a leader. Events which had happened, were among others,

-          Taking up a personal stand on the formation of IM to replace J.IM, as openly discussed in the discussion nets

-          My constant harping to Naeem to take the responsibility

-          Realisation that not standing up to my own thoughts and opinions will make me a perfect subordinate to a conniving, manipulating superior

-          Taking up a position on the present carping and conflict between spouse and her siblings, mirroring a previous experience between spouse and my siblings

-          Realising that I am taking a lead role in the group that will be travelling to Egypt and the Holy Land in less than 3 weeks

2.       The analysis / diagnosis is that I’ve been content to be play the observer role, when I should be playing the lead role all this while. Some events I could remember were:

-          Fear of conflict: in primary school, someone threw a used icecream stick and challenged me to fight. My response was to ignore, although I remembered that I wasn’t afraid. And then, there was the Concord guys vs gals conference, where I was the one trying to dangle an olive branch while Ramzi was displaying his full aggression.

-          Only when my self-interest was jeopardised, do I react: ie at the TNB interview, under duress from the interviewers, although I remember at Fitzwilliam’s interview how I just gave up.

-          Compromise and discussion seems to work well: I never had reasons to fight to the end. Whatever momentum I had from Penang, which allowed me to join the Reformasi movement, joined and spoke on a political stump, functioned as a Deputy YDP in an urban district, gradually disappeared when faced with family demands. First to go were the jamaah prayers, then the activities, then the jamaah, then everything else outside work. At no point in time did I stand my ground.

3.       The impact is that I remained patient and steadfast while the world continued to revolve at breakneck speed:

-          I took 5 years to leave TNB, and if MBA was the excuse, I only left 2 years after graduation

-          I took 16 months to move out from TTDI despite growing problems and certainty that it was causing more harm than good

-          I’m still here

-          I only managed to reconcile property investments after many many years – and even then I have my wife to thank for

4.       The things I need are:

-          Picture of what needs to happen on a *personal* basis, not on a family basis – in a leading role, I should determine what needs to happen, and not to abdicate my responsibility

-          Guts to stand my ground – no one is going to physically beat me up, the only bruises would be to the ego when I take the wrong position

-          Aggression to speak on behalf of the truth – the cause has charisma, not the person, and aggression can only be justified when the truth is being manhandled. In this case, data, information and knowledge are supreme.

-          Spiritual help – and to Allah return all things, and He alone determines what happens or not, and it is necessary to beseech Him for His supreme Power to bestow what His powerless makhluk wants. And the wants should be aligned with what He wants.

And all these reflections above should cause me many sleepless nights,